She's Flooded!!!

Hey, Lady with all the horses! That puddle accumulating in you yard, from your neighbor's yard, and is 100 feet from your house, is in no way a 911-worthy incident. Have a good night. Don't call me, we'll call you!

Oh yeah. Rich guy with the wet patio and natural drainage, that is not in any danger of flooding your house, call your workers instead of 911 next time. As much as it may not seem like it, there are real emergencies to be responding to. We know, you didn't know why to do, so instead of thinking, you called us. Bra vo!

Where Are Your Pants?

Note to self: 

If I am ever at a call where the people can not only not tell the difference between twitching and a seizure, but can't tell you in any coherent fashion what happened,(for that matter the patient could tell the difference between a diagnosed medical problem and "I think I have...") don't bother asking the tweaked out guy without pants on why he's running around in his underwear, at someone else's house, while trying to "help" the patient. The answer isn't worth the time it takes that fool to tell his story.

She Fell!

When a baby falls from a standing position (on the floor) on to that same floor (especially when it's carpeted) they'll be fine. And to top it off they have NO signs of being injured... AT ALL? If you're a grandparent, you should know that means they're okay, having raised the child's mother! What did you do before, when your kid fell? You used common sense. I guess 911 is like artificial common sense you don;t have to use yourself...

I Need A Band-aid!

If you are dying, someone else is dying, you are in an accident, or see a fire, please call 911. If you just need something out of our "Rolling First-Aid Kit" so you don't have to spend money, or leave the house, don't call. If you do, expect to need a ride to the E.R. Especially if you do it in the middle of the night!

A Quiz

You see a thin wisp of what you think might be smoke coming from the roof of your neighbor's house. What do you do? Would you:

A) Knock on the door to see if someone's home and be ready to call 911 if they were not.

B) Just call 911 anyway and assume they're not home.

C) Do nothing, because it's probably nothing.

If you guessed 'B' then you need to take a deep breath and drink less RedBull. 'A' is the best option, but 'C' would have been just fine in our case. A firefighter thought they saw smoke, got excited and started to beat open the door with our tools. Luckily the wielder of the tool was weak and did little damage before the homeowner opened the door from the inside, wondering what was going on. Nice one!

And that "smoke"... steam from the dryer.

Thank you. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

ZAP!!!

A good friend reminded me about this gem of a call...

When wind and rain are blowing at 30+ mph and it's taking the limbs off trees, you should probably stay indoors. When those falling limbs are knocking out power lines, you should definitely stay inside. So when you have a live power line laying across your driveway, walking your dog on a metal leash would not be option 'A' for most people with proper cognitive function.

Would you like to hear what happened next?

The dog (a full-sized black poodle) picked up the power line in its mouth and died instantly. The owner managed to survive, having just let go of the leash and stepping over the power line... not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES!

"Pardon me ma'am. Did you see us waving you back into the house or hear us yell 'GO INSIDE!!!'?" "I wanted to tell you my power was out."

Good one.

"No ma'am, we don't dispose of animals that have passed. Oh! We have a call... Power Lines Down."

What's That Smell?

Not everybody's definition of cleanliness is the same, I'll give you that. But if the fragrance from your house can be strongly detected from the street, you might wanna take drastic measures. Was that chicken grease and dog hair?